View 5 Short Funny Quote Of The Day For Work
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Funny Quotes That Will Make You LOL! (And They're All Safe for Work) - Short Funny Quote Of The Day For Work
Want more great quotes? Funny Quotes That Will Make You LOL! (And They're All Safe for Work) Parade Parade Whether it's a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we're all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, "So true!" because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments. Take a much-needed break from your day to check out these 101 funny quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle. Funny Quotes "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room." —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove "My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana." —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls Related: New Comedy Movies Release Schedule "Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I'm not going to." —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day "Never follow anyone else's path. Unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path." —Ellen DeGeneres "Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you'll get if you're able to 'fall asleep right now.'" —Anonymous "Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over." —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld "I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious." —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office "I walk around like everything's fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off." —Anonymous "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." —Rodney Dangerfield "I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own." —Les Dawson "There's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong." —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python's Flying Circus "Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: 'How to Build a Boat.'" —Steven Wright Ted Striker: "Surely you can't be serious." Dr. Rumack: "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley" —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane! "There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it." ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? 24. "You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police." —Joan Rivers 25. "Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts." —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear 26. "My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush." —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy "I never feel more alone than when I'm trying to put sunscreen on my back." —Jimmy Kimmel "Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever." —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up "Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week's worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas." —Lessons from the Minivan "I'm not insane. My mother had me tested." —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory Corny Jokes "There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy." —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club Usher: "Bride or groom?" Wedding guest: "It should be perfectly obvious I'm neither!" —Four Weddings and a Funeral 34. "I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy." —Jerry Seinfeld 40. "If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer." —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective RELATED: Funny Photos Funny Words Good Morning Quotes Wedding and Marriage Quotes Friday Quotes Monday Motivation Quotes Winnie the Pooh Quotes People also ask What are some cool sayings? What is a fun quote? How can I be really funny? Which is the best quote ever? Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh - Parade #Funny_Quotes #Funny_quotes_in_english #Knock_Knock_Jokes #fun_quotes #Very_short_funny_quotes #lol #lol_quotes #Funny_quotes_on_life #Extremely_funny_Quotes Very short funny quotes about life Funny quotes from The Office #Funny_Quotes_About_Self #Funny_quotes_About_quarantine
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Funniest Yearbook Quotes of All Time
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